and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
