So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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