Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
