remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
