The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
