did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
