can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
