bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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