the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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