Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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