He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Even my vagina gasped.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize