Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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