I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
