Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it's like heaven, but drunker
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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