I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
