I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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