how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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