did you get engaged???
Girls should come with a carfax report
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
