i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
