i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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