Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
