Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
