if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
should my penis look like a turkey
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
