party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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