I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
