I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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