go do what you do best...puke behind churches
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
