I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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