Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
