Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
