wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
