need another drink. this is the easiest way
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
