the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
