So drunk its hurt
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
