he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
