i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
