If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
