They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize