We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
