Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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