covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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