i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
