Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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