im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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