I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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