I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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