its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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