A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize