I murdered the dance floor call the cops
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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