I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
