dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
