you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
