he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
