How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
