You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
