I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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