Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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