Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
