Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
