I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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