i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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