im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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