I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
