The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
