If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize