so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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