every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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