We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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