he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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