The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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