i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
FUCK WHALES
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