I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
