Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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