So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
