I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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