Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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