And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
