we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
