If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
