I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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