I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
