oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
