Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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