my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
