He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
